New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
