sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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