I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
