Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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