The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
