That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
