I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
