She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
