I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
