You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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