I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
