I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
