So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
