Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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