ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
whose parrot is this?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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