just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
