i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
