WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
