I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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