dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
