It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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