i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize