weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
