I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
