his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
