Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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