So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
