I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I will pee on everything he values.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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