why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
