I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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