I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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