Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
