So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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