I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
