I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
