I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
