I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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