go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
