im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
