How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
