Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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