i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Never let your siblings swipe right.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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