okay pat passed out under dana's car
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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