Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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