Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
