I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
