Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
