Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize