I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
