And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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