Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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