This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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