I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
