i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
bring money and cleavage
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
