hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
