Sponge bath it is.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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