I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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