i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
