I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
