1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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