About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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