My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
