Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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