i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
