my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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