A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
